A Safe Space | Dealing with Our Pain
Like many of you, I continue to grieve the loss of my friend Daniel Esquivel, the Dean of the Hereford campus. There is a strange gift when it comes to grief – it’s difficult because Daniel was such a good man with a significant legacy, and so many of us had a meaningful and wonderful relationship with him. It seems that the weight of our losses somehow validates the immense blessings and gifts in our lives.
I continue to be amazed by you, the faculty and staff of Amarillo College. The wonderful people you are, the amazing work that you do, and the very real impact that you are making all come while you are also experiencing difficulty and loss. Many of you have honored me by allowing me to be with you, to hear parts of your story as well as about your current pain and suffering.
We are continuing the slow journey of healing in the wake of the pandemic, while also navigating a heavy season in both the history of our country and our world. And this journey of healing is not linear – some days feel better than others, some days we find ourselves doing the wise and hard work of growth that benefits ourselves and those around us, and some days we relapse, cope, or react in less than healthy ways.
One of the most foundational, spiritual truths that I come back to regularly is, ‘If we don’t learn to transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.’ It is critical for us to use the fertile soil of suffering, which is life’s best teacher, as opportunities for our healing and growth. If you don’t, the rest of us will somehow experience the outer effects of your inner pain.
Here are some great words of wisdom that I have collected and gleaned from in times of struggle, failure, woundedness, grief or suffering. I hope they are helpful to you in your journey:
- Acknowledge and notice inwardly before you react outwardly. Be attentive to what you are experiencing and feeling. Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, psychiatrist and author once said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
- Consider how you may be coping negatively. The common, negative coping strategies are to deny, distract, react, defend, protect, or overcommit. Do you know what your less-than-healthy tendencies are?
- Practice compassion, both toward yourself and toward others (another one of my favorite quotes is that “Hurt people hurt people.”). Overall, we are not doing well right now, and it’s a sign of maturity to give people the benefit of the doubt and trust that they are doing their best.
- Similarly, be OK with the whole, complex-yet-beautiful picture. The line between good and evil runs through all of us. We humans are all a mixture of strength and weakness, success and failure, and receiving and inflicting pain.
- Practice waiting in patience. This – whatever ‘this’ is – will not last forever.
- Take time for honest reflection – What is my part in this struggle?
- (and/or the opposite) Consider possible action – What might be mine to do in this moment or situation?
- Practice being open and vulnerable. Connect with someone you trust. Most often, not being alone in our pain is even more powerful than if or when our situation changes. (Remember, I’m available if there is something I can ever do for you!)
Adam Gray
806.282.5263
scheduling link - https://InnerWellServices.as.me/AmarilloCollege
